How to Find Freedom from Mom Guilt in Jesus

Guest Post for Living Free Indeed
By Kara Ranck
Before I became a parent, I falsely believed I was perfect. The
image of my life in my mental mirror was clean, spotless, and unbroken. My
outward life—appearance, career, house, car—seemed put together. My inner
life—emotions, spiritual walk, thoughts—appeared under control. Then, I birthed
a baby.
First, my emotions spiraled out of control followed closely by my
environment. My house became disorganized and not as clean. I pushed pause on
my career so I could be home with my child. Sleep eluded me.
As my child got older, a mixture of her independence and sin threatened
my control. I soon saw that I still struggled with my emotions, namely anger.
My perfection was exposed for what it is—a lie. When I looked back into the
mirror, I discovered fingerprints, smudges, and cracks in the glass.
Maybe you are like me and faced a similar realization. Guilt
follows closely afterward. And even now, we encounter guilt when we react
poorly once again, and our imperfection is exposed. Perhaps we take our child’s
behavior as a personal offense and react emotionally. Then, the guilt comes.
What compounds this is the belief in the lie that even if we
aren’t perfect, certainly our children will be. We are shocked to discover they are not. We hear their unkind words and see
their mean actions. Did they hear me say or see me do such uncaring words and
deeds? We analyze what mistakes we’ve made in our past parenting that would
have caused our child to act in such disobedience, selfishness, and
rebellion—forgetting they too are born in sin. We feel the weight of nurturing the souls under our care, and therefore, we also
feel the burden of our sin when we fail.
Recently, we heard older friends pour out their hearts over poor
choices their eighteen-year-old daughter is making, which led her to move out
of their home. We felt their sadness and discouragement. What do we say to
friends in this difficult situation? Do we suggest they should not dwell on
their past mistakes as parents since it does nothing to aid them now?
While I agree that no good comes from wallowing in our guilt, such
a sentiment rings hollow. The reality is, we are all going to ponder our
past mistakes as parents. When we do, how can we encourage others to get past
them? How can we encourage ourselves? What hope can we offer?
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