In My Weakness, He is Strong
Some nights I laid on the couch with ice packs on my neck and stomach to numb the itching in hopes I could get some sleep. After two months of meeting with doctors that didn’t seem to know what else to do expect prescribe more meds, I threw in the towel. I was convinced there was something deeper going on that needed to be fixed rather than given band-aids. I was not going to settle for taking steroids the rest of my life.
I met with a naturopathic doctor in early December and began the journey of naturally healing from the inside out. My gut and liver were not in good shape. The further I moved in this slow healing process, the more I realized the ups and downs that can come along the way. My symptoms got worse before they got better. Rashes broke out from head to toe, I had severe stomach and liver pain, and I could not bathe myself with my swollen stiff hands. Touching water was so painful, I wore rubber gloves to shower for 6 months once I could bathe myself. I wore cotton gloves to sleep so my oozing hands wouldn’t ruin the sheets and itching wouldn’t open all the sores. I was frustrated that despite my efforts toward health from little on up, these were the cards I was being dealt. I felt so weak, fragile, and incapable (in all facets of the words). I knew the only possible thing pressing me forward was the power of Christ. 2 Corinthians 12:9 became my motto— “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
The cry of my heart became Natalie Grant’s lyrics—“Help me want the Healer more than the healing.”
It hit me that I am not entitled to answers to all my questions or a beautifully planned out life with no struggles. I am not the author of my story…God is. Nothing gets passed an almighty, sovereign God (Proverbs 19:21). I knew he could take this from me in a snap if he wanted to, but he wasn’t. If he was having me walk this, he had a reason for it…and I needed to find it!
I started turning my questions from “why?” and toward “how?”—How is God using this to change, teach, use, equip me?
Two years later, I am still on my healing journey. I need to make a conscious effort each day to choose to live with joy and gratitude for how much physical progress I’ve made, and more importantly, all God has graciously taught and continues to teach me. May our trials give us even more of a reason to shout of his power and goodness.
1 Peter 5:10-11 – “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To Him be the power and glory forever. Amen.”